You Know You’re a Pinehead if …

You know you’re a Pinehead if …
1) You believe Pinewood Derby Racing should be an Olympic event.
2) You have asked to be buried in a Pinewood coffin shaped like your derby car.
3) If your derby car coffin (above) will be tungsten weighted so it’s COG is 1″ above your rear’s axle.
4) If family planning means staging the births of your children so one starts the derby as one finishes.
5) You’ve recently purchased stock in Krytox.
6) 2 or more of your fingers are permanently stained with graphite with molybdenum.
7) You’ve named your children to intentionally have the initials PWD.
8) If you refer to the after life as “that giant aluminum track in the sky”.
9) If you’ve ever had a vivid dream of breaking the 2.0 second barrier and woke up not knowing if the dream was real or not.
10) If you’ve ever thought of developing a snack food that looks like Maximum Velocity’s outlaw wheels.
11) You’ve watched online videos of several heats of a WIRL race, and you’ve never entered a car.
Interpreting Your Score:
1-3 Please, join Pinewood Anonymous’ support group.
4-6 With strong medicine and intense therapy; well, sorry, there really isn’t much hope.
7-10 Maybe you could be on a reality show, “Real WIRL’d.”
11 Congratulations, you are the new Pinehead Poster child.
James Baker (with one addition from an unknown author)
Editor’s Note: WIRL stands for ‘Woodcar Independent Racing League’. Visit them at:
For additional indications of ‘pineheadedness’, please visit:
If you have some additional ‘pinehead’ indications not listed in this article or at DerbyTalk, please send them to me and I’ll include them in a future article. Please include your name.
From Pinewood Derby Times Volume 4, Issue 7
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